We allow 2 percent discount for cash payment.
(Change into you-attitude)
You will earn 2 percent discount if you pay cash.
Please find enclosed herewith copy of the report which is 15 pages in length.
(Eliminate wordiness)
Enclosed is a copy of 15 page report.
Men and ladies go hand in hand in all walks of life.
(Use parallelism)
Men and women go hand in hand in all walks of life.
Your letter is not clear at all. I cannot understand it.
(Be tactful and courteous)
If I understand your letter correctly…
I am sorry I cannot send you the booklet you required as we have not received it from the publishers.
(Eliminate negative attitude)
We will ship the booklet immediately after receiving it from the publisher.
Final preparation will be made by the planning committee.
(Use action verb)
The committee will prepare a final plan. Or the committee will finally plan.
The camera has a system that gives you good picture.
(Make vivid and concrete expression)
The Immie camera unfolds incredible clarity and details, and you get perfect exposures in natural colors. It possesses T.V mode, continuous shooting mode, and interval mode along with date or time display.
Mark talk to teacher about his problem
(Eliminate vagueness.)
Mark discussed his problem with the teacher.
When I dropped the clock on the glass, it broke.
(Eliminate vague pronoun.)
When I dropped it on the glass, the clock broke.
Jennifer told her mother that she couldn’t go.
(Eliminate vagueness.)
As she told her mother, Jennifer couldn’t go.
I am in receipt of your letter No. 213 dated Nov. 19,20xx and wish to acknowledge with thanks.
(Avoid wordy and trite expression.)
Many thanks for your letter No.213 of November 19, 20xx.
You failed to enclose your check in the envelope.
(Be courteous and considerate.)
We have not received your check.
He put a helmet on his head made of iron.
(Correct the sentence.)
He put a helmet made of iron on his head.
The guest was frank with good behavior and has a sharp wit.
(Use parallelism.)
The guest was frank, well behaved, and sharp-witted.
